The feeling of Christmas was not at my home this year:( I tried to make it cozy and lovely but no matter what I did I couldn't achieve that warm, rich, happy feeling I get when I'm at my parents or sisters houses or the in-laws. When you walk in you feel absolutely loved and at peace and in the motivated to create that feel mood. I hope my kids felt happy and didn't feel the tension. I just have some bottled up emotion thats going to blow. I know I have the same emotions everybody else has, the problem is, i don't know how to express those emotions, so all that happens is I break out, have anxiety attacks and blow up over minor incidents. And while I'm venting do people think I'm a B? Seriously! I want to know. I know I'm ridiculously shy and somewhat spacey and shallow, but I don't want to be. There's not a switch in me that I can turn to change me, as much as I wish it. So I'm sorry if you think I'm a brat, Im not... Somedays I wish I could just cry until there's nothing left in me and start fresh.
Here's to a happier new year.
3 comments:
I'm sure you are exaggerating Lacey! I have never known you to be a brat. Christmas can be very stressful and other peoples lives look pretty good from the outside looking in. Love ya!
oh elle. I'm sorry you've been feeling that way. You are most definitely not a B. I know you have a hard time expressing your emotions but it's just something that takes practice...you can always practice on me and I can just listen if you need another ear. :) I love you so much. I'm sure your kids had a wonderful Christmas! and what's up with your phone, I've been trying to call you for the last week...?
that's how i felt about christmas this year elle. i am trying to figure out how to make it feel better next year. and expressing feelings is such a difficult thing. i wish i had some magical advice for how to make it easier, but the only tidbits i have are: 1. write them down and 2. keep trying, as hard as it is!
and shallow and B are the very last adjectives i would EVER use for you!!! even when you are expressing your exploding inner frustrations! i love you!!!
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